New Year Musings (Handkerchief Alert)

Granted 2013 is already 15 days old which is 4.1% of the year already – poof – gone, and I’m not one to ponder much on things past – a habit I gladly accepted from American culture – unless they were very good – the things passed that is.  

2012 was a very good year – which reminds me of the Sinatra song of the same name. I came to the full realization how fast our lives have become when I was driving to my parents’ house from our holiday vacation and had to listen to the full rendition of the Sinatra recording “It’s been a very good year” on the radio – had I not been doing 140 km/h on the Autobahn I would have jumped out of the car. I had to force myself to listen to the entire thing and while I listened I had time to dream up a seven-part science fiction youth novel – no, wait – that’s been done already. I could have changed channel, right, but I didn’t. I did need some time to think slower thoughts.

There are things we do not want to think about and ponder too much as they have, what I call a high freakiness factor and ageing parents is one of the scariest things I can think of thinking about. And yet, of late I find myself looking at my parents wondering how much more time I have to spend with them, what I have not said yet and what will never be told. 

I find myself less disturbed by the fact that I sound like my mother, more and more frequently – there are no children at the receiving end who could tell me that I sound just like grandmother, just unsuspecting friends and co-workers. I worry if I will be ‘there’ in time if and when something drastic should happen. And I also ask myself how I will cope and I never have an answer and how could I. 

A very close family friend and contemporary of my father’s died a few weeks ago. I was home staying with my parents when it happened. We spoke of our family friend and of fond memories and that he had had a great live, great kids and a truck load of grandchildren, and how all of his family was there at the end…   and then there was an entirely other unspoken conversation that my parents and I were having in those days that left me coming back to America with dread and thankfulness. 

What will be will be – to quote another song and I did receive with delight an announcement upon my return that one of my all-time favorite Clock Wise employees had a second baby – and so, live goes in circles. We will never know what will be until it’s upon us and I wish for all and myself that we will have the poise to accept the inevitable gracefully.